I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
We're too hungover to prance.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
