It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
