I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize