It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
