I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
