watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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