i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
