Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
it glows. i had to have it.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
