It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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