Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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