Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Randomize
