I showed him my bush... on skype.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
