i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
