I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
