I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
