you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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