Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
