I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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