I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
