last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
