chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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