The brown eye won't let me do that either.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
