my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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