i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
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