Your dad touched me again.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
