I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
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