do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
