My hair reeks of homosexuality.
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Randomize
