This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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