I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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