I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
