I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
