I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
literally had 100 drinks last night.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Randomize
