his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
