Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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