he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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