hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
