i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Randomize
