If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
