omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Life is so much better after having sex.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
