my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
