Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
