why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
His hands were made for my vagina.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Randomize
