I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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