just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
