I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
