I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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