Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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