I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize
