my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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