How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
