i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
