She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
